Wow…Stress…

July 8, 2011 at 1:19 am (Uncategorized)

Well, I’m not working and haven’t for a month now. Squeak is loving the time to do nothing. Although she did go to theater camp last week and is looking forward to a weekend at her Aunt’s next week as well as a busy karate weekend this weekend. Hubby and I on the other hand are trying to adjust to the financial changes of living on one income…it’s not easy and frankly not 100% sure we’ll be able to do it but we’re trying and if not I will have to find a job…the problem is that his schedule is so unpredictable that finding something part time that doesn’t require childcare will be tough, if not impossible. Needless to say it is a major stresser right now. And I;m realizing that my support system sucks. My family only wants to hear from me when times are good, if I try to vent that act like I threatened suicide…apparently I’m the happy one…who knew! My friends all seem to have perfect lives so it’s hard to vent plus I really only have one or 2 CLOSE friends the rest are more casual and I don’t like revealing my personal problems to relative strangers…not that that stops them from telling me about their personal problems…oh well. I hope we can make this work…

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Catching Up…

May 10, 2011 at 3:04 pm (Uncategorized)

Well, the school has been informed that we aren’t returning next year. My bosses are aware that I am leaving May 27th. They are FINALLY hiring my replacement to start this week and next week part time and then full time my last week here.  Squeak is overjoyed to not be going back to school next year. In fact since making the firm decision to try homeschooling we haven’t dealt with ANY anxiety issues–sore throats, stomach aches, headaches to sick to go to school! That is the best endorsement I could have for trying home schooling. As long as everything keeps falling into place we should be okay!

I’m looking forward to relaxing and enjoying our summer before starting school—it’ll be nice to not rush to camp, work, activities and just enjoy for a change…it’s been at least 4 or 5 years since I’ve had a summer off to be with Squeak.

I’m going to try to keep this a bit more updated just to help myself keep track of how things are going and the memories we are making…

🙂

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2011

January 11, 2011 at 4:06 pm (Uncategorized)

Well, new year–new leaf…sometimes a whole new tree!

We will be homeschooling next year…and I’m oddly not second guessing myself. I can do this…and I think I can do it well! This is a very strange place for me–I second guess everything! I still question if we did the right thing starting her in school a year earlier than the public schools in our town allow; if private school was the right choice; if I’m to strict or not strict enough about TV, music, video games, computer time…you name it I second guess it! Hubby laughs and says getting me to make decisions is worse than pulling teeth and even once I make it I still want to discuss it to death! But this one decisions so far I’m completely okay with! Of course that may change when I actually have to start doing it–but I think we’ll be all right.

Squeak is excited too–she is looking forward to not having to get up at 6:30-7 in the morning and being able to do more! Of course last nights homework worksheet on using the correct article was something she did in 1st grade and may have something to do with that…this teacher is NUTS! The work is really either way to advanced or way to easy–at least for Squeak…Last nights homework included the grammar worksheet on the correct article (A, An or The), a math worksheet on fractions/decimals and places, and she has to read for 90 minutes this week and record the number of pages on a calendar each day (due at the end of the month), and finally a 1 to 2 page essay on one thing they would change in the world and why (due Thursday). I find it hard to reconcile an upper grade essay with the 1st grade grammar worksheet…how does that make sense? I have actually reached the point of having given up on this year…it seems to be a loss educationally and it is driving me nuts but I’m tired of meetings that don’t change anything…

I’m not claiming that Squeaks a genius my any means (never had her tested) but she is smarter than this…Every time I meet with the principal about this things change for a week or 2 or a month but then it all reverts back to the same ridiculous stuff and there is a limit to the number of times I can meet about the same thing–I get tired of having to say it and I know the principal is tired of hearing from me…it’s all just absurd!

 

Ahh well…only 5 more months and several thousand dollars to go!!

 

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Venting…

November 3, 2010 at 1:59 pm (Uncategorized)

Ok, I know this is going to sound ridiculous but here goes.

My daughter attends a secular private school and has been there since K and is in 4th grade now. Last year 8 of the schools teachers were fired and replaced for a variety of reasons. This included the 4th grade teacher so we started this year cautiously optimistic for all the new teachers to work out. Further the directors big promises were of individualized learning plans based on assessments that took place at the start of school.  Although we saw no individualized work as school began we assumed it was because they were doing the assessments to see where each child was. (I should mention that this is the new 4th grade teachers first teaching job out of college–she did student teaching in college and then tutoring at a learning center since.)  On Oct. 20 we had our parent teacher conference to review how Squeak was doing and to go over the assessments.

The assessments showed that Squeak has essentially tested out of her school (K-6).  She reads 178 words per minute at an 8th grade reading level, received the highest math score in her class on the assessment (the only incorrect items were also ones the whole class had problems with showing the material wasn’t covered adequately) and tested out of spelling and vocabulary.  Great, she’s a smart capable kid and I can’t wait to see her working on her own level.

Problem, there are only 3 books in the classroom on her reading level, the teacher has no idea how to differentiate the math lessons but will ask a few other teachers what she should do and Squeak just isn’t doing spelling/vocabulary building…Am I the only one who sees some problems with this?!

Further the teachers idea on how to handle content problems at such a high reading level is to have them start reading and if she finds a problem then to take the book away–still end up having read the problem content all ready so obviously not effective!

Ok, again things I can handle/fix but then we run into the fact that Squeak currently has no friends in school and is often excluded by her classmates. Her class is only 10 kids, 4 girls (including her) and 6 boys. The other 3 girls are all BFF and spend time together after school and in school all the time, they have formed their own book club (with the teachers approval) leaving Squeak the odd girl out,  they don’t want to sit with her at lunch–she sits with other classes but only because they have to let her sit at the tables not because they’re her friends. Before this year she had her BFF but in June they moved to VA and her only other friend was removed fromt eh school last February due to some behavior issues. Her class doesn’t want her around at recess and she often plays by herself…she comes home sad and has no ability to put it into words, she just feels sad after a day at school. She complains daily of headaches/stomach aches and doesn’t want to go…the was a girl who LOVED to go to school everyday and was always excited to learn.  Squeak was always known for her smile and lately it’s gone, both because she isn’t happy and because someone teased her about her teeth (crooked bottoms and orthodontist is hoping for a growth spurt to create room before he has to pull teeth).

So next week we are touring another school but is further away–45-60 minute–but about the same price with more to offer however with such a huge gap between her age and her abilities I am still concerned that they won’t be equipped to teach her…but we’ll see.

We are also looking at homeschooling her for a year or 2 or how ever many it works for.  Frankly, this is my preferred option for both her and myself. For me it means I don’t have to go to work anymore…my job has reached a level of stress that I’m frankly not sure I can handle anymore for a wide variety of reasons, some my fault and some stuff with my bosses…but if she is in private school not working isn’t an option and with the economy finding another job in this area could be really difficult. For her, it means not sitting at a desk waiting for everyone else to catch up, it means not being excluded from everything, it means being able to learn at her pace and with in a frame work learning the things she is passionate about…being able to spend more time on the things she wants to know more about.  There are several homeschooling support groups in the area and they do field trips, some group classes (foreign language and such), art shows and such throughout the year.  Honestly, I think this is the option we will choose for now, if it works great and if not we can look for other schools for 6th and up…The problem for me now is if we are homeschooling next year, do I keep her at her current school for the rest of this year knowing it’s not a good fit and still having to pay for her to be miserable or do I pull her out now.  Plus, we still need to review the financial aspects of me not working although most of my paycheck goes to her school between tuition, lunch, field trips, activities, fund raisers, and gas to get there and back…plus gas to get to work and back everyday. We would probably break even financially or even come out ahead but we still need to review everything…

 

Sp that’s where my head is at right now…50 different directions and none of them clear…

 

 

 

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Still Hanging On

September 30, 2010 at 3:54 pm (Uncategorized)

Well apparently I’m still here. Still not managing well but we are getting by I guess. Tired of work crap though. I’m the only one that works in the office and as such I get stuck managing everything but I’m only one person and am utterly overwhelmed most of the time. But it’s a small company and they can’t afford to hire any help right now…

On to other things, Kidlet is doing well, in 4th grade this year and just turned 9. She is still in her private school although we almost change schools due to some major changes the school made at the end of last year including letting 8 long time teachers go! We are going into this year as cautiously optimistic but I am also looking at different options for next year…possibly a different private school, trying to avoid the local public school, considering homeschool but not sure I’m cut out for it…but then again if this year goes well we may stay where we are. The school only goes through 5th or 6th so it’s only another year or 2 but it’s pricey and private middle schools are even more money so not sure how it’s going to all work out…local public schools aren’t really an option though especially for middle and high school. Of course we could move except that my house isn’t worth what i owe anymore and I can’t afford to buy in the towns I would want to send her to school in…

Hubby got a promotion since last i wrote, and while it’s more money it also takes away the company truck so we’ll actually make less since we will have to pay for gas for him to commute over 100 miles a day and he drives a huge pickup…but long term he has the potential to make a lot more money and move up within the company as well as be more marketable if he leaves for any reason so it’s a good move for us…

All things considered I know we have it good, we both have jobs, a house, a wonderful kid who is getting a great education…just have to figure out all teh details I guess.

Later!

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Utterly Overwhelmed

January 11, 2010 at 7:23 pm (Uncategorized)

It’s only the second week of the year and I am already totally overwhelmed! Work, home, just everything and I feel like I’m drowning…I can’t even figure out how to get myself out of this mess! It’s just crazy…You make one mistake and don’t own up to it right away…it just keeps getting bigger and then it’s to late to admit to so you have to try to fix it and it’s out of control…ignoring things doesn’t make them go away!

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Still hanging on…

January 7, 2010 at 5:40 pm (Uncategorized)

Well, apparently I haven’t quit yet…not sure how long that will last! I hate having money problems. Stressed right now trying to get caught up after the holidays, work is crazy and I’m so far behind I feel overwhelmed and end up further behind.

Kid is doing ok though, got glasses 3 days after Christmas (yet another unexpected expense)…

Husband is as stressed as I am which makes things harder, he usually isn’t bothered by anything so when he gets stressed I get more stressed and it becomes a vicious cycle…

On the bright side, we both have jobs, the house is still ours (paying the mortgage every month like responsible adults), Kid is in private school (thank God for financial aid), and things could certainly be worse! But then I see how easy it looks for everyone else and yes, I know looks are deceiving!

UGH…

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Cinnamon

October 27, 2009 at 5:13 pm (Uncategorized)

Well, we are the proud owners of a new puppy…Cinnamon is a border collie american eskimo mix…so I guess she’s a border eskimo?? Not sure really…She is an adorable puff ball though! Kidlet is over the moon as a few weeks ago we had to put our elderly german shepard mix to sleep—he couldn’t walk anymore and was miserable…

So now we adjust…brought her home last night and all went well she’s only 9 weeks so is just a baby!

I’m sure it will be fine…it’s just our first puppy and will take a little getting used to!

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Why do I bother?

October 23, 2009 at 5:20 pm (Uncategorized)

Well, as usual don’t have enough money to pay the bills…hate this feeling! Wouldn’t be so bad but we had a few unexpected expenses this month…Hubby had a belt test in karate, we had to put the family dog to sleep, Kidlet had a field trip…plus you know we like to eat…so sent in the paperwork to the mortgage company today to try and get our payments adjusted. But this can take 30 days and I have to pay bills in tehmean time. I can’t keep doing this!

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Hello world!

October 21, 2009 at 2:26 pm (Uncategorized)

Quitting is for losers and I quit everything…yes I can do the math there! I’m just tired of fighting and failing and everything…not sure where this is going but needed to vent somewhere. Hubby is tired of my whining so here I am…

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